Then why does it still feel like my heart is being torn apart? Two years have passed, two years without my soul mate by my side, two years our children have gone without their Daddy. I see time as a knife...cutting deeper with every event that we attend now as a broken family...with every milestone that passes without him...without the joy and love I know would be shining from him. It still hurts today like it did that awful night. The pain still takes my breath away... I have only gotten better at being numb, at forcing my brain to another track... it's how I've survived this long. If I allow myself to go to that place, the place where memories of that night and all that was lost... I just can't. It is a feeling like I've never felt..like I'm being choked...and my mind just can't wrap around what life has dealt us....I sob like a crazy woman...it doesn't go away...I know that one of these times I am going to "wake" from this nightmare...only to find I'm surrounded by padded walls... this is insanity. Truly. I was blessed to have met a man that completed me, that gave my life a whole new meaning and value, a man I KNEW I could, and would, spend the rest of my life with. We enjoyed every moment...he was who I wanted to be with everywhere...and anywhere. Everything was better with him...everything. We were so connected...so truly in love. My heart jumped when I saw him, talked to him, when we teased, when we loved... We were thankful every day for the love we shared and often spoke of wishing that people around us could have what we had...that connection. Then insanity...he's gone...and that connection here on Earth is broken..and my world shattered. I'm left, stunned...shocked at my reality... this can't be happening, it just can't be....but it is. This is insanity! Acceptance is hard...more like impossible. Nothing is as it was, nothing will ever be the same. He was my other half and now that he's gone..I am only half of what I used to be. Every day is a challenge...and yet they keep coming...and though we have endured pain beyond words...the heartache doesn't stop...there is no reprieve, life continues to deal us blows that shake us, only now they are compounded with the fact that David isn't here to talk to, to share the responsibility and the decision-making, ...not here to comfort me when I need a shoulder...or his big arms..his soft kisses...and his eyes that looked straight to my heart. Now I'm alone to face the days challenges alone...I can do it... I will do it... I just have to get to that other track....to that numb spot... and accept that NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME.