This time of year is so hard. I end up feeling so guilty for hating it. Flying solo as "Santa" is so much work..and very little fun. I miss David's excitement at this time of year. How pumped up he would be for Christmas morning. He would stay up late and take care of the packages...and then lay there in bed, too hyper to fall asleep. He always was an early riser and Christmas morning was no exception. Many times he was up before the kids, but wouldn't get out of bed so they would have to come get us. He LOVED Christmas. He loved having a cup of coffee and a few slices of my cheese danish (one of his FAVORITES!) while he watched the kids fly through their gifts. On more than one occasion I had to intervene when Brady fussed because Daddy was playing with one of his new gifts and wouldn't give it back. David's favorites were the Star Wars toys or the video games. He was such a kid too! One time in particular comes to mind, I know I have a photo of him around her somewhere doing it, Brady got a Darth Vader voice changer mask and a Millenium Falcon ship and David crammed that helmet on his head as far as it would go (not far at all) and was zipping through the livingroom flying that damn ship! Emily informed him (once again) that he was a dork! The kids loved how involved he got with them, down on the floor playing, even Em still reminisces about how she could always get Daddy to change the clothes on her Barbies. Then again he would have done anything for her! David and I had not exchanged gifts with each other for several years. It was more fun watching the kids....and corny as it sounds, we were always so happy to just have each other every year. Now I am so sad and so lonely. Nothing is the same. I get excited for NOTHING now. There is no one to share it with. Even when the kids are really into something...all I can think about is how I wish David were here to see them. I must admit that I have cussed him out a few times during this holiday too. Toting 70 pound bins full of Christmas decorations up from the basement is no treat and getting the lights around the top of our 7.5 foot Christmas tree was no picnic either! He was good at so many things....most especially at making me happy. The reason I loved him most is the reason now why I miss him the most. So for the last two years "Merry Christmas"....well it's just been words to me...I know I have so much to still be thankful for, and I am, but nothing will ever be the same, at Christmas or any other time of year.