Today has been emotional, as most have since this date last year. I feel drained... I'm beyond rationalization...I want my sweetie back! I want a hug..I want a smile, a kiss...I want to sit and look at him from across the room and think to myself again, how lucky I am to be that man's wife... I want to crawl in bed and hear him say "Good night sweetie" and feel his arms wrapped tightly around me... I want to hear he and the kids wrestling and laughing and making noise in the livingroom while I do dishes in the kitchen, I want to make sure the right ball uniform is clean and ready for whatever team he might be playing for, I want to stop by his work and drop of his lunch and grab a smooch through the van window...and then see him shake his butt at us as we drive away. I want to see him stretched out in his recliner with one of the kids curled up fast asleep in his lap...I want to see him kick butt in cornhole while enjoying a beer, I want to see him blast another homerun ball. I want to look up his nose as we slow dance, I want to hear him tell me about the hunting things "he needs", or about the pick-up truck he wants...I want to hear him tell me how good the dinner I made for him was, I want to watch him ride and play and swim with the kids, ...I want it all back. Most of all I just want to feel the magic again. I have never felt as loved by anyone, not even my mother, as I did with David... and I have never loved anyone more. My soul mate, my best friend....now just memories...and heart-wrenching tears and lonliness....left now with just "wants".