..Don't know what to write. Today is so very hard. I just keep remembering what we were doing a year ago today. I know the 1 year anniversary, by date, is the 22nd...but by memory, it was 1 year ago tonight that our nightmare began...we had gone as a family to the opening night of the Randolph Fair...Tuesday, August 21st, 2007. I can picture clearly in my mind walking and holding hands with him at the fair...at this exact time one year ago. We had such a great time together. David was proud of our winning ribbons. The kids got several 1st and 2nd place ribbons on their collections and artwork. I had gotten a couple for some antiques and a Best of Show on my black & white photo of Brady & my Dad on his John Deere. David was so truly happy for us, his family. David was always so social and loved wandering the midway, stopping to chat with the friends we encountered. Seems like that night we ran in to more than usual..many we, or he, had not seen in a long while. It was truly an enjoyable evening. The kids were especially good and patient as we frequently stopped to talk with friends. Little did we know, that as we enjoyed ourselves that night, that it would be our last memories with David. Just a few short hours later he was gone and our hearts were ripped apart. Now my feelings about the fair are mixed...such a good night of memories there...and yet it was the last place we spent as a family. Not totally sure how I would handle it or how it would turn out, but the kids and I did enter some items in the fair again this year. It was definitely unnerving going through the same motions as last year...but without him. We sure could have used his big strong arms to help us carry all the entries in when they had to be delivered to the fair Monday....and it sure would've been a whole lot better if he could've been there with us today. We went back to see how our entries rated. We went early...the thought of being there at night, like last year, was just too much. The kids got several ribbons again this year...but there just wasn't the excitement that was felt last year. Today we had lunch at the fair too...only, and these are Brady's words "nothing tastes as good this year". We threw away 2 whole containers of Richardson's french fries...which I can tell you the Starkey clan has NEVER done. It just didn't feel right...being there...without David. Many things have turned out like that. So many things we enjoyed as a family..now no longer have the same feel. I've been told that we need to find new things to do...but that doesn't sound good to us either...because that would require "moving on" and the three of us are no where near ready for that. We didn't stay at the fair for long and we stopped at the cemetery to visit on the way home. I left a letter there for David...more sadness with the reality that I can't just call him, or wait for him to get home from work, to share my thoughts with him. I'm left with leaving a letter at his grave.... So here I go again, writing of how sad it is, not only for me, but to see our kids visiting their Daddy at his grave. It is so beyond wrong. Today looks like it will be like so many others...filled with heartache and crying..as my head is full of memories from that night one year ago....and the questions that remain...how could such a lovely evening together turn into such sorrow? How can someone so special, so loving, be gone so soon?...and how has the world continued to go on around us, while we have struggled an entire year with such intense heartache?