David's headstone has been placed at the cemetery. JK stopped by this morning(Christmas Eve)to tell us it was there yesterday. The kids and I had planned to take a tree with decorations that reminded us of David, from us and others, to the cemetery today. We did. The stone is pretty, although there are a couple things wrong with it. There is supposed to be a cross above "STARKEY" on the back of the stone and the shooting star in the deer etching doesn't look right. Em's words were "It looks like someone took a stick and scratched Daddy's stone!" The monument company gave the option of having the stone picked up and fixed and then placed again later OR waiting until late spring to have it fixed on site at the cemetary. I chose the latter, since the kids and I visit often and because I was afraid they would damage it doing all the moving around. I was promised the fixes would be made by Memorial Day. Anyway, I am having trouble with the expressions I am getting from people regarding the headstone. I was told that it wouldn't be placed until mid-January at the earliest, since I had waited so long to sign off on the designs. Funny, I had changed my mind on a couple things and was making sure I ordered what I wanted...and what I thought David would want. I even conferred with his Mom and Sister on what to put under his name, before confirming on "Big Dave". It is kind of a permanent thing ya know? And the monument people still didn't get it right. Anyhow, when I mention it to people that his stone is there, the response I've gotten from everyone (unless I warned them first!) was "Oh! What a gift!" Okay, so I know they mean that it was nice it was there for Christmas - BUT how in THE HELL can a headstone for my dead 34 year old husband be a gift in ANY way, shape, or form? You must be KIDDING ME!! There is no gift in seeing a stone with your life love's name on it, with birth AND death. And to see your name chiseled next to it, with a birth date and a huge blank spot under it. That's exactly how I feel. Like a big blank spot. I often feel I should've had his date of death put under my name as well...because that's how I feel alot of the time..with the words "My heart broke, when his stopped" Ya, I am finding no gift in this at all. I am sorry if I hurt feelings...but mine are all the time now. Everything hurts. Facing tomorrow. Christmas without David...that hurts.